Episode 14: Colleen Kelly – Integral Recovery in the “we” space
Episode 14:
Colleen Kelly, LMFT
Integral Recovery in the “we” space:
Plural Recovery and the Art of Healing Relationships
Who have our addictions hurt? Even asking the question can feel overwhelming, but answering it honestly and taking responsibility is essential to our recovery and growth.
The ravages of addiction appear in every facet of life, but perhaps none more profoundly than in our relationships. Can we repair the damage we have done and rebuild a foundation of connection, trust, and respect with our partners? Our families? Our friends? Our communities?
When we think of the people we have hurt, we can open the floodgates for shame, leading down the slippery slope to depression, misery, and relapse. Unless, that is, we are willing to put in the work to repair, rebuild, forgive, understand, and sometimes, let go.
In this episode of the Journey of Integral Recovery podcast, guest Colleen Kelly shares the wisdom of Plural Recovery, poignantly weaving the lower-left-hand AQAL quadrant of interior collective into a powerful methodology for rebuilding our relationships, making amends, healing the damage our addiction has caused – not only to our loved ones, but to ourselves.
Colleen Kelly, LMFT is the Co-Director of the family program at a residential and outpatient treatment facility in Los Angeles (http://www.pchtreatment.com) specializing in Mental Health issues and substance misuse. Colleen has 2 private practices both in Orange County and Lost Angeles. To find out more about Colleen and her practice visit, ColleenMKellyMFT.com.
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In this episode:
[2:22] An introduction to the collective interior, lower hand quadrant and its relationship to addiction and recovery
[4:08] Introduction to Colleen Kelly – why address relationships in recovery, and how is the relational quadrant a potential factor in addiction and recovery
[7:28] The damage to families in addiction and the powerful transformational aspects of relational healing in recovery
[9:22] Attachment Theory in adult relationships, and the single most important factor in our health, life-satisfaction and happiness
[12:30] How Plural Recovery address the needs of not only the addict, but the others affected by addiction, and why the synergistic healing is more than the sum of its parts
[14:09] Strengthening our primary relationships and balancing our needs and values to determine what a healthy relationship means
[16:54] What is the biggest predictor of a successful marriage five years down the road?
[19:10] The foundation built by emotional responsiveness and how we communicate it verbally and non-verbally in our primary relationships and all of our relationships
[23:01] Forgiveness in the context of relationships and repairing the wreckage of addiction. The process of making amends and what must be in place for the process to effectively unfold
[24:35] How does shame affect our ability to feel and express remorse, and why doing inner work around our shame is essential preparatory work for rebuilding relationships
[27:40] Healing relationships by working with our 4 R’s: resentments, respects, regrets, requests
[30:33] The willingness to be vulnerable and why emotional responsiveness plays an essential role
[31:16] How masculine and feminine typologies, expectations, and gender norms affect our expressions of vulnerability, and how to unpack what lies beneath
[34:28] Differences in communication styles between the masculine and feminine poles of a relationship, and how communication styles affect not only our primary relationships, but our familiar relationships and friendships, too.
[38:18] Blaming ourselves for failing in our roles, and how, despite our best intention, the pain of self-blame can show up in misguided ways
[41:17] How working with relationships might show up in our meditation and shadow practice
Episode Resources:
Integral Recovery by John Dupuy
Deep Recovery – a guided meditation from iAwake Technologies
Triumphs of Experience: The Men of the Harvard Grant Study
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05/26/2017, 43:21, 29.8 mb (Audio)